How do you know that it’s time to leave?
Relationships are not as easy to handle as they usually seem. It’s you adding a person in your everyday life, getting intimate, and sharing your soul: not easy at all! But we tend to take these relationships lightly which is the reason they stop growing. Not only that, sometimes, we also become too possessive about our relationships or cling to them too hard.
When you are involved with someone, you have to make decisions every day. Hard decisions! What movie are you gonna watch? Where and when to date? How to handle the difference in preferences, ideas, beliefs? And many more.
One of the hardest decisions is when you two are still together physically but not emotionally so you do not know what to do. With all that you both have done for each other, it becomes impossible to believe that it is over when it is over. So, what do you do? Do you try to put your relationship back to how it was? Or do you leave? Or do you keep clinging to your relationship which has now become toxic?
Your relationship is a strong and influential part of your life. It has to be the reason for your happiness, your charm, your secret spot where you can be the true you, where you can solve the riddles of your life. It is that part of your life which gives the reason to your life, which makes you wake up and walk through the day with success. Your relationship makes you grow individually and also as a couple. It has to be the ear you need, the touch you desire, the smell that makes you smile, the sight you long for, the taste that makes you crave for more.
Know that just like you fall in love you can always fall out of love because of time, people change, their preferences change. So, it is not a bad thing to wave goodbye when you fall out of love; instead, that bad thing is to stay in the relationship when it has ended.
It doesn’t mean that you do not ever fight with your partner or never disagree on an opinion. There are times when your love would be tested. Hard times will come and what you have to see it that you pass them all with patience and perseverance. How will you know that there is a chance for your relationship? You will always be able to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel But when there is no light, believe me, RUN AWAY!
There are signs which tell you when you can hope for your relationship to settle again, that it is just a difficult time which you would go through successfully. Today in this article, we are rather discussing the signs which tell you that your relationship has stopped growing, that it is time to leave.
Leaving is hard but staying is even harder. So, sit back, read the signs with patience, and decide the better option for yourself.
#11 You stop talking about the problems in your relationship
You do have problems with your partner, maybe he has picked up a habit which you don’t like. You also might have problems with the way your relationship is going, maybe it’s going nowhere and that itches you. The problem is you do not talk about it. Why? Perhaps, you don’t think it’s that important. Or worse, you know your partner is not going to try to resolve the problem and you would end up playing a fiery blame game. Or even worse, you yourself do not want to try to resolve the problem because there are better things you need to worry about.
#10 Would you rather hang out with friends than with going out with him?
So, you have a choice here: friends or your partner? And you end up choosing friends. You might flash here an excuse that it has been a long time since you were out with friends but this ain’t gonna work every time. If you try your best to be in the company of somebody else rather than with your partner, what’s the graver sign than this?
#9 You don’t care about their happiness anymore.
Happiness is one of the main goals of any relationship. If you love someone you feel the desire to make them happy. You remember little events. You gift each other. You surprise each other. You try to do something for your partner that he or she might like. You try to be your best selves. All just for the sake of their happiness and they do the same for you. So, if you have begun to forget the birthday or special dinners of your partner, no, don’t blame your perfect memory. Blame the love that is no more there and leaves.
#8 You say no to adventures with him/her
Rather you like to stay in and busy with your boring schedule. It is not that you have to go out and do something new every time you are alone but adventures are a part of your life. They make you grow and deepen the love and understanding between you and partner. It gives you more reasons to love each other. So, if you are not looking forward to adventures no matter what, it is a clear sign that your relationship has ceased to grow and you are merely caged in your comfortable zone. Step out and leave, that is what you gotta do.
#7 You find alternatives to excite you
Even if your relationship is on the path to destruction, you are still an individual and other things in your life make you happy and keep up the rhythm of your life. So, whenever you are down on your relationship, you hungrily seek for other things which might excite you the same way as your relationship once did. You might get easily get into bad habits like smoking or drinking. Worse, you might begin to cheat on your partner. It is better to keep the good memories of your relationship and wave goodbye on good terms instead of getting guilty panic attacks and being discovered by your partner and losing all respect and destroying the charm you once had in your relationship.
#6 Communication Gap
It is alright to miss out on something because of your busy schedule but making a habit of communicating less and less with each passing day is a substantial sign that your relationship has stopped growing. If you are only exchanging a few regular sentences every day, no, it’s not right at all. It means that you have lost the desire to communicate and know what is going on with your partner and you to do not feel like opening up to him/her. Listening is a very important attribute one possesses. If you cease to listen to what your partner is saying let alone his or her voice of heart, it is time to rethink the status of your relationship.
#5 There is no more affection
Being intimate with your partner is natural to need and desire. There is always a high time in every relationship when you cannot keep your hands off each other and with time you become more patient. This is not a problem but if you refrain from touching each other for days and days; Uh-Oh, what are you doing?! Yeah, you might do the regular good morning and good night kiss and cuddle along but if you are not getting excited ever to rise above the formal kisses and cuddles, this is a dangerous alarm. Again, it could be a timely reaction to your hectic routines but if this period is never ending and nothing gives you goosebumps, it is a serious sign of a stale relationship. Robert Taibbi, a renowned psychologist, wrote in his paper that this condition is a sign of disconnection and signals to a vary decline in relationship growth.
#4 Are you always fussy? It’s a No-No!
When you love your partner with all your heart, you love the little details about them. Their messy bookshelf, their habit of standing in front of the refrigerator with its door open and thinking what should they pick, or the pasta they made but forgot to add salt to it. You enjoy such things and it becomes a growing act to comment on such things in a funny way. It is always cute in its own way. But if you are fussing about every little thing bringing them again and again and considering these burdens, Ah! The problem is not with your partner or you because nobody is perfect. It’s the imperfections which make people unique and beautiful. So, this fussing is the indication that the problem lies only in your relationship.
#3 Does your self-esteem get hurt?
Relationships are a complete package of your magical growth (both as an individual and as a couple.) You both have to be lifting powers to each other. You have to help each other have a better job, a better car, a better life. You gotta cheer up your partner to move on and do the impossible and celebrate their successes. You have to recognize and believe in the talents of your partner and appreciate them. Love is selfless. But if you are jealous of your partner’s successes or you degrade him/her, you fail to recognize their talents you should better leave without a second thought. It’s a fatal sign that you have completely fallen out of love.
#2 Apathy is an alarming but confusing sign
This is the reason which you are most often unable to recognize. It is said that it is not hated but apathy which is the opposite of hate. It fits well with the relationship that has gone stagnant. Gal Szekely, a well-known psychologist said that if surprises or the things which you expect your partner to do, nothing excites you, your relationship is definitely on the road to a terrible end because it shows utter disengagement which is not at all healthy for any relationship.
#1 The Break-up, Patch-up Game
What happens often in a stagnant relationship is that you break-up and then get back together within a few days. This happens when you know you are done with this relationship but you have come to depend on your partner too much that you cannot bear to be apart. You do not have strength to say goodbye once and for all and have the peace of your mind rather you choose to stay in the hell your relationship has become. A great psychologist, Dr. Seth Meyer, declared that in this kind of condition you always break-up and then, patch-up with your partner because nothing comforts you. The suggestion is that break-ups are always hard and they do take up the toll every time, so accept the pain and bear it with strength and the knowledge the your decision to leave is beneficial for both of you. If you keep go back after a patch-up, as the psychologist said, the feelings because of which you broke up in the first case are still there hiding under a surface and there soon will come a time that they would bubble up and you will break-up again and if you are not wise and strong enough you will end up getting back together. Tch… Tch… that is surely unhealthy.
How To End The Relationship That Has Stopped Growing?
Now, if you have decided that you are in a stagnant relationship and that it is time to finally leave, how would you do that? Take a deep breath, yeah! Here are some tips to end up the relationship in the best way possible.
- Have that dreadful conversation which you have been running from all this time.
- Stay calm and talk about mutual benefits of walking away from each other.
- Do not do things which you know upsets your partner just because your partner could leave you and you could put all the blame on him/her.
- Do not involve other people. Yeah, you can get suggestions from your close ones but while putting an end to it, do not let others do the talk for you.
- Do not control your partner and announce that you are leaving. You both were involved with each other; so, you both will leave each other mutually.
- Let your partner get overwhelmed or angry and also emotional. Give them your shoulder to cry on. But no, don’t go back or even agree for another dinner together!
- Do not blame your partner nor take all the blame on you. Yes, Accept your mistakes but tell them theirs too. Be clear that you are out of love and avoid clichéd emotional talk.
Note that it is gonna hurt for a while. After all, you loved your partner for a long time and it seemed eternal. So, let it be. Slowly let the happiness overtake the sadness of such a heavy loss. Try to keep your mind off the beautiful memories you shared. Never forget that there have been painful memories too. Go to parties, flirt, build a new healthy habit… grow. JUST GROW!